


hold me, baby (hold on a little longer)

by shuanime



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: -Ish, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24108937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuanime/pseuds/shuanime
Summary: thank you so much, ynno! you write amazing yoonhong content, but you still trusted me with this prompt : [ i wuv u hehethis angsty smutty fic is brought to u by ynno's angsty smutty brain
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	hold me, baby (hold on a little longer)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hourlyyoonhong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourlyyoonhong/gifts).



> thank you so much, ynno! you write amazing yoonhong content, but you still trusted me with this prompt : [ i wuv u hehe
> 
> this angsty smutty fic is brought to u by ynno's angsty smutty brain

The last Tuesday Joshua spent with Jeonghan, they had one of their cuddle nights. They were both slumped and tangled on the couch, blankets over their lower halves. Jeonghan had his hand carding through and playing with Joshua’s hair, and Joshua had his head against Jeonghan’s chest, using it as a pillow. There was a chick flick movie playing on the television, but none of them paid it any attention because they were both slowly drifting to sleep. This was three weeks ago.

Today is also a Tuesday, and that’s why it’s more of a burn than a sting to do this.

Joshua thought he could let go now, but one look at Jeonghan and it’s like he’s incapable of doing anything. They sit next to each other on the same couch, but this time there’s a gap between them. The shoulders are not touching, and they feel cold.

“Do we have to?”

Jeonghan looks unguarded this time, unlike his usual confident, distant demeanor. The last time they had a huge fight, just about a week ago, Jeonghan sounded too self-assured when he said the words that broke them both.

_Fuck it. Let’s just break up. I don’t know why you’re dead set on changing me—I’m never changing._

But now, with the way his eyes are downcast and shoulders hunched, you’d think he wasn’t the one who decided on it in the first place.

Joshua wipes his cheeks with his hand, but the new tears remain cascading down.

There was never anyone else in their lives. It’s just Jeonghan and Joshua. Joshua and Jeonghan. People are envious of how they found each other easily, but little do they know, that gets its own consequences, too.

_How did we end up here?_

Nothing is perfect, even if you once felt like everything could be.

With Jeonghan and Joshua, everything fell into place naturally. There was no need to talk about what works and what doesn’t, what feels good and what doesn’t because somehow they just… knew. They think they’re just perfectly in tune. Their friends called them _soulmates_.

Maybe things came _too_ naturally. When Joshua would want to talk, Jeonghan would step back. It’s the way he withdraws himself from any situation that made most issues between them unspoken. Joshua wants to talk, but Jeonghan wants to go somewhere far and just return when the issue has solved itself. But it never does. It just gets shoved in the farthest back—another skeleton in the closet.

“You said it yourself,” Joshua replies in between quiet sobs. “I’m not trying to control you anymore. Do whatever you want.”

While Jeonghan removes himself from confrontations, Joshua sets the bar so high. It started just like a blanket of security when he feels most lacking. But the day came and he’d demand Jeonghan’s presence at the slightest inconvenience. It felt suffocating as the years went by.

Jeonghan used to have all the patience for it, but he’s only human.

Joshua gets up, but Jeonghan catches his wrist in his hand. Jeonghan’s hand is strong and firm, but it doesn’t hurt Joshua. Jeonghan never hurt him. Never like that.

Instead, he feels it trembling against his skin.

“Stay,” Jeonghan says, barely a whisper. “One last time. Maybe we can still fix this.”

“We can’t,” Joshua cries. “Not anymore.”

Jeonghan hugs him by the waist, tightly. As if he doesn’t plan to let go any time at all, and God knows, Joshua wants to hug him back and tell him it’s going to be okay—they’re going to be okay, but he can’t lie to him like that.

“Let’s try.” It’s something Joshua hasn’t heard from him in a long time. “Let’s try. If you still think you’re happier without me after this, I’ll let go. I promise.”

Joshua already has an answer to that.

* * *

Joshua tries.

He tries to close his eyes as Jeonghan’s length slips past his lips. Jeonghan is restless. He doesn’t want Joshua to take him in the mouth in their last moments together, but Joshua is insistent.

He has to remember everything—the taste, the smell, the feeling.

Everything. If he’s going to try, he’s going to do it right.

Jeonghan groans unintelligible words from above him. He’s glad he can’t hear anything but the ringing in his ears. Jeonghan might say something that would make him stay and he’s just not ready for it.

But after a while of him on his knees, the older decides Joshua needs attention, too. In a rush, they find themselves fumbling and tumbling into the bedroom. Jeonghan’s erection is nowhere near appeased even with Joshua’s eager ministrations.

He is gentle with his hands when he settles Joshua on the bed. His mouth claims the younger’s obscene ones as if it’s territory being exploited by the one who created it. Jeonghan lets his lips travel across all of Joshua’s skin. It was always _his_ to love—when did he start forgetting to cherish every inch of it?

Joshua squirms underneath his hold. It has been so long since Jeonghan last held him like this.

He feels important again. Like he’s worth all the time of his world.

In contrast to the way Jeonghan eats him, he prepares him gently. His fingers are deft when it comes to making Joshua feel good, hitting only the right spot and nothing more. He knows him inside and out. The squelch of the lube and Joshua’s soft panting echoes in their bedroom, turning into a resounding reminder for Jeonghan that this is just one of the things he’d lose if he doesn’t hold on, if he lets his grip loosen again.

The sight of Joshua wanting more, hair matted on the sweaty skin of his face, makes Jeonghan realize one thing.

“You make me want the things I don’t deserve to have.”

It earns a tiny moan from Joshua who has his eyes fixated on Jeonghan’s repentant ones. But then he suppresses his own sounds again, and Jeonghan wonders why he won’t let his voice out.

Joshua’s quiet whimpers overpower him when the younger was slowly taking in his member. When he feels him immersed to the hilt, Joshua tightens his hold on Jeonghan’s shoulders, biting back a curse.

It feels so good. He can only lie there and take it.

Jeonghan breathes heavily every time he hits deep, his tip rubbing up against the bundle of nerves that make Joshua see stars. Joshua feels his eyes roll to the back of his head at how good it feels.

But he’s still too quiet, lower lip bitten so much it almost bleeds. It’s as if he’s doing his best not to moan.

“Shuji, please,” Jeonghan almost sounds like he’s begging. “Let me hear your pretty voice. I want to hear you.”

But Joshua, in his wrecked state as Jeonghan doesn’t pause nor slow down with his pounding, just shakes his head. It doesn’t matter if he’s being stubborn.

“Please.”

“I c-can’t,” Joshua says between grunts and pants. “I might say something I might regret.”

“Like what, baby?”

“Like…like _I l-love you_.”

Jeonghan lets himself absorb that. He claims Joshua’s mouth once again, softly this time, as if trying to tell him something through the dance of their tongues. When they pull away, Joshua swears he feels a tear fall on his cheek. But it’s too dark to say for sure.

“Lie to me then.”

Joshua finds himself unable to.

Two, three more thrusts, and Joshua finds himself coming undone. This time he lets his voice out, moans and mewls and whimpers, and Jeonghan’s name comes out of his mouth as he basks in the intensity of his orgasm.

Jeonghan follows soon after as Joshua’s release makes his walls clench around Jeonghan. He doesn’t pull out even after the spurt of his own. He stays on top of and as close to Joshua as he can, their sweat-slicked skin against each other and their bodies unmoving aside from their heaving chests.

“Do you regret it?” Jeonghan asks after a while, bringing a hand to flick Joshua’s bangs from his eyes. Joshua lets his lashes flutter at how that action makes him feel something.

“Regret what?”

“Us.”

Joshua brings a hand to Jeonghan’s face, too, caressing the older’s face the way his face is being caressed.

Jeonghan always has the sharpest, striking features despite looking soft and calm. He has such a handsome face. His smile, his laugh… they make Joshua swoon. Even the way his brain works fascinate Joshua. With Yoon Jeonghan, the possibilities are endless.

No one knows Joshua more than Jeonghan. No one can make Joshua feel good more than Jeonghan. Joshua doesn’t have to be with anyone else to know that.

Joshua used to wonder if he can ever have this. Now he wonders if he can live without this.

One look at the man above him, and he already has an answer to that.

**Author's Note:**

> theyre BOTH to blame but eh i think they'll manage. they're big bois
> 
> ty for reading!!!
> 
> if you wanna yell at me: [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/shuquishy)
> 
> also im trying to save up and quarantine isn't making that too easy for me soooo my [fanfic comeeshuns](https://ao3-shuanime.carrd.co) are open if you’re interested! comeesh me hehe
> 
> you can also buy me a cup of [[coffee](https://ao3-shuanime.carrd.co/#ko-fi)] as support (only if it’s coming from the goodness of your heart hehe please don’t feel pressured!) 
> 
> kudos with love please AND your feedback and feelings, i wanna read them all on the comments! thank you for reading hehehe


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